Overview:
Viewing pornography is a sexual sin that plagues far too many Christian men. In Finally Free Heath Lambert provides men with eight strategies that are rooted in gospel grace, so that they can fight for purity in their lives.
This book is written especially for Christian men who struggle with viewing pornography or who have struggled with it in their past and desire to remain pure. It really should be read by all Christian men though, as sexual sin is such a common sin for men and none of us are above falling captive to it.
Summary:
In Finally Free Lambert writes, specifically to men who struggle with pornography. Lambert writes with a loving tone throughout the book, even when he is saying things that are difficult. This is what one should expect from a pastor and ACBC counselor. Lambert delivery feels like it is coming from an old friend rather than someone perched high above the reader looking down on his struggles with pornography.
In the two-sentence dedication to his sons at the beginning of the book Lambert addresses both the seriousness of the topic he is about to discuss as well as the only place where hope is found. He says, “A wicked world seeks to enslave your souls to pornography; the grace of Jesus Christ alone sets you free. Look to him!”
Finally Free is a strategy book. It is a discussion about eight ways to fight against pornography in our lives. But it isn’t your typical self-help book offering eight ways to become a better you. Instead, Lambert writes really of one way: the grace of God poured out in our lives. Yes, he writes about eight practical ways to fight against pornography, but these strategies are rooted and grounded in grace. So, it is fitting that he begins his book, not with a strategy, but rather setting grace as the foundation for any true and lasting change. He states, “As Christians, we are able to do the work of obedience, but all of our growth is empowered by God’s grace. Jesus gives us power to obey so that we can obey to the glory of God. Believers are called to lean on his strength, lay hold of practical means of grace, and take practical steps toward change.” As he moves forward, he makes his point very clear: it is this grace that motivates and empowers every strategy that he discusses.
Lambert clearly understands the struggles that men have with pornography. Sexual sin is a sin that can so easily get a grip on our hearts. Lambert’s goal is to turn the direction of our hearts and affections toward Christ and away from pornography. Lambert notes that many other books spend a lot of time talking about the broad reach of pornography, it’s accessibility, the affects it has on our lives, etc.. While not condemning these other books, Lambert writes without all of this background and has a different goal in mind. He states, “This book is about something much better than pornography. This book is about the amazing power of Jesus Christ to free you from pornography.” So, instead of focusing our attention on pornography Lambert has written Finally Free to turn our gaze to Christ.
As mentioned above, Lambert roots all change in gospel grace. He states” every strategy you employ in your fight for purity must be grounded in the grace of God in Christ if it is to lead to lasting freedom.” He doesn’t just lay this groundwork and then move on to his strategies but continually brings the reader back to the grace and hope found only in Christ. In short, these are not “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps” strategies.
The first strategy that Lambert discusses is “Using Sorrow.” Here Lambert draws from 2 Corinthians 7:8-11 and Paul’s distinction between worldly sorrow and Godly sorrow. Worldly sorrow brings death; godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation. This is an important distinction when dealing with secret sins like pornography. When someone is caught in a secret sin, they will often show sorrow. When this sorrow first presents itself, it can be very difficult to tell which type of sorrow it is. Sadly, many only have sorrow because of the consequences: losing credibility, losing their family, losing a job, legal consequences, etc. Godly sorrow however, as Lambert says is “pained over the break in relationship with God. It is heartbroken that God has been grieved and offended. The tears of godly sorrow flow from sadness that God’s loving and holy law has been broken….It marks a change from the sinful self-centeredness of viewing porn and the equal self-centeredness of worldly sorrow to a pure concern for God and living for his glory. The person full of godly sorrow has a heart that wants to please God rather than self. Godly sorrow motivates real and lasting change.”
Lambert’s second strategy is “Using Accountability.” While there is much to commend in this strategy one point that Lambert makes is, in my opinion, a key to accountability. He makes this short statement: “Many accountability groups function as an opportunity for a delayed confession of sin.” Here is what he is getting at. Often a small group may form to hold each other accountable. While it is good to seek out help, Lambert points out a flaw in the thinking. In Galatians 6, Paul tells us that if someone is caught in sin the spiritually mature should seek to gently restore that person. What can often happen with accountability groups though is that a group gets together and they all struggle with the same sin, and in Lambert’s example, delay confession until the group meets and then share how many times they’ve sinned and commit to pray for one another. What is lacking though is a spiritually mature brother coming along side and helping to restore the one struggling in sin. Accountability needs to be with a spiritually mature brother, not someone who is stuck in the same pit as you currently are in.
Lambert’s third strategy is “Using Radical Measures.” This strategy is straightforward. If you are struggling with pornography, then gouging out an eye or cutting off a hand may need to take place (Matt. 5:29-30). Limiting access to whatever type of media that is providing the gateway to pornography must take place. Lambert is wise to point out that this doesn’t change the heart but putting up this fence does at least clear the way for the gospel to get into our hearts and do its work.
The fourth strategy of Finally Free is “Using Confession.” Here Lambert lays out a framework for confessing sin that consists of six points that he works through. This framework will definitely help the reader to understand what biblical confession looks like. (Hint: it is not as easy as saying I’m sorry and moving on.) Lambert’s fifth strategy is “Using Your Spouse (or Your Singleness).” The idea behind this strategy is to focus our attention off the images of pornography that may have our minds captive and instead to focus on thinking about our spouse instead. Here Lambert also calls singles to devout their time and energy focusing on Christ and his church.
The sixth strategy Lambert discusses is “Using Humility.” This strategy contains some of Lambert’s more pointed words, perhaps because pride is such a struggle for men. Here is one small sample: “Men look at pornography out of an arrogant desire to see women in a way that God does not allow. They show arrogant defiance to God’s commands, rejecting the delight of sexual intimacy in marriage and deciding for themselves what they believe is better—looking at… porn. They show arrogant disregard for God’s call to selfless marital love. They show arrogant derision for the female actresses whom they should be seeking to respect as women who need to hear the good news of Jesus. They show arrogant disdain for their own children by hiding their sin and inviting the enemy into their home and their marriage. They show arrogant disrespect toward all those who would be scandalized if their sin were known. The root problem with men who look at porn is not neediness—it is arrogance.” Lambert doesn’t just end with these pointed words. He then follows up with a helpful discussion on how to practically cultivate humility in our lives.
Lambert’s seventh strategy is “Using Gratitude.” Viewing pornography is a desire for more and more and more of what I don’t have. Lust requires us to be discontent. Gratitude calls us to be satisfied and content with what God has given us. One of Lambert’s helpful observations is this: “The desire for porn is a desire to escape from what the Lord has given you into a fake universe full of things you do not have and will never have. Porn is the trading of gratitude for greed. Porn trades joy in the reality God has graced you with for greed in the counterfeit world he has not.”
The final strategy discussed in Finally Free is “Using a Dynamic Relationship With Jesus.” Here Lambert wants the reader to see the privilege that we have of being in a relationship with Christ. The goal isn’t just to quit viewing pornography, it’s about being close to Jesus.
At the end of each chapter Lambert provides a series of questions for the reader to answer. Full disclosure, often times I find questions at the end of chapters to be nothing more than a quick add on. Sometimes it feels like they are a requirement from the publisher and the author hasn’t spent much time developing really good questions. This isn’t the case with Finally Free. Lambert asks penetrating questions which often ask the reader to make lists, spend time in prayer on a specific thought, or read and meditate on multiple passages of Scripture. For someone fighting against a desire to look at pornography (or any sort of lustful thinking for that matter) these questions could be very helpful in re-focusing one’s thoughts on Christ and away from their lusts.
Conclusion:
Finally Free is a book that I have read through a few times now. I personally think this is a book that I will reference for the rest of my life. It is rooted and grounded in grace and provides hope for believer’s so that we do not grow weary in our battle for purity. Lambert’s tone throughout (even when his words are pointed) is that of a loving counselor and friend. Those struggling with sexual sin need words from a brother who cares and Finally Free can provide those words. (I would say that the local church ought to be the first place someone goes to find loving counsel, but Lambert’s book can be a great supplement to the ministry of the local church)
Lambert’s role with ACBC as well as being a pastor gives him credibility to speak into the lives of his readers. Being someone who has struggled with pornography in the past, as he mentions, makes him someone that the reader can listen to, knowing that he understands the battle. Lambert is never perched on high heaving condemnation down to those who are struggling. Rather, in a loving pastoral tone he is continually pointing the reader to Christ for their hope and the strength to successfully fight for purity.
The only weakness that I can think of is an area that I felt Lambert could have developed a little more. Lambert calls married men to focus on their wife and singles to focus their attention on Christ and the church and away from pornography. Lambert spends a lot of time developing what it looks like for the married man, but I felt that he could have further developed the strategy as it relates to singles. I don’t think Lambert feels this way but often times the church can view singles as “those waiting to be married” and a more developed section on singles could have been good at combating this type of thinking.
I have read quite a few books on the topic of sexual sin and Lambert’s book is one of a top few that I have come across (Making All Things New by David Powlison being another). This book should be in every man’s library and one that pastor’s and counselors are quick to recommend to men. Sexual purity is a crucial battle that Christian men face and Finally Free is a wonderful tool that can greatly help men in their fight.